No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
