can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
