he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
