Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
