Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
