I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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