Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
