I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
