I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
