I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize