Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
