I can text with my tongue
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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