So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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