that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
sex in a hospital.. check
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
