He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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