I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
