I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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