You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
