That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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