How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Too much gin, very little bucket
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize