Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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