Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
