why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
