Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
