You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize