i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
