There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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