im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I need to calm my uterus...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
