Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
