No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
