I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
