respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
