Plan B is the new Plan A
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
