the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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