It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
