I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
