I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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