I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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