I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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