ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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