I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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