Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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