I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
