Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
