Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
