Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize