He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
