you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
