fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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