I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
