FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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