I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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