Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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