You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
