Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
