I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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