Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
