i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
