i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
