Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
