the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
