she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
