i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
