i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
