(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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