Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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