eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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