1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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