I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was born a porn star she said
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
