I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
