I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
