Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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